Ratchet and Clank Vines
by Amberdiamondswords
Summary: Ratchet and Clank and their friends have decided to take up making Vines in their free time. With their crazy lives, anything can happen in these Vines. (Composed of very short oneshots).
1. Chapter 1

**Hating Science Puns**

Clank smiled and looked at Ratchet, "Hey Ratchet, what do they do with scientists when they pass away?"

Ratchet shrugged, "I duuno."

"They 'barium'!"

"...Ahahaha! Hahaha! Ahah!" Ratchet grabbed Clank and dragged him to the front of the garage, then pushed him out the door, "You're sleeping outside tonight."

* * *

 **Monologues Are The Worst**

Ratchet had Dr. Nefarious cornered with his wrench at the ready. The doctor laughed, "Mwahaha! You can't win, Ratchet! I've been putting this plan together ever since I was rebuilt. And now, with my army I will-"

The bored Lombax interrupted Nefarious by slapping him with his wrench. The robot held his cheek as he barked, "Ah, you jerk! I wasn't finished yet!"

* * *

 **Who's Cuter Now?**

Ratchet and Clank were walking together down the hallway and they saw Elaris about to walk past them. Something caught her attention and she nearly squealed as she smiled, "Aww, you look so cute today!"

Ratchet folded his arms and awaited further praise for his appearance, but then he saw Elaris get on the ground and admire Clank instead, causing him to look struck and defeated, Clank sending him a smug look as he fell to his knees dramatically.

* * *

 **Anyone Can Dunk**

Brax and Ratchet were hard at work in an intense game of basketball. It was the game point, and the next basket would declare the winner. Ratchet had the ball, but it was quickly slapped out of his hands and went bouncing away. The two went after it in a somewhat violent race of pushing and grabbing, leading to them both tripping and falling, with them skidding to a halt in front of the ball. They reached for it, but then, out of nowhere, Clank swooped in and took the ball. He took it all the way to the basket and jumped, using his Heli-Pack to perform a slam dunk.

* * *

 **The Blame Game**

Elaris, Cora and Clank were in the conference room having a discussion about new gadgets when suddenly a Combustor bullet sailed through and nearly missed them. They all whipped their heads around and saw Captain Qwark standing there with a smoking Combustor. He quickly hid it behind his back and pointed at the nearest person.

"It was him!"

Ratchet narrowed his eyes and slapped Qwark's hand away, "You jerk!"

* * *

 **Done For The Day**

"Grim, I'm done with the ship!" Ratchet called out.

Grimroth came into the garage to check to see the progress on the ship that they were repairing. Ratchet had just taken it out for a test drive to see if it worked. Well, it didn't look like that it would work anymore. One of the wings were totally wrecked and the thrusters were smoking. Grimroth's mouth was gaping and he turned to Ratchet, who ran out of the garage.

"Bye!"

"Ratchet!"

* * *

 **Delicious Backfire**

Ratchet took light steps as he snuck up behind Clank in the kitchen area. With mischievous thoughts in his head, he prepared to jumped and scare the little robot. However, right as he landed and before he could even say 'boo', Clank turned around and slammed a pie into his face, covering the Lombax's face and fur in coconut cream.

"Aw, come on!"

"Hehehehehe!"

* * *

 **Cleaning Day**

Ratchet walked across the garage with Clank. "Alright Clank, time to take the day to relax and-"

"Come on, boys! It's clean up day!" Grimroth called out.

The Lombax's ears lowered, "Run!"

The two began running for the front of the garage to avoid having to clean all day, but Grimroth came out and grabbed Ratchet by the arm. Clank stopped and looked back, but Ratchet held out his hand and yelled, "Save yourself!"

* * *

 **Hero Ego**

Captain Qwark smiled and flexed his 'large muscles', "Hell, this is Captain Qwark speaking, and I'm just here to say that I'm glad that you all look up to my godlike structure and natural good looks."

"No they don't!" Called a distant voice.

"No one asked you, Ratchet!"

* * *

 **Player 1 and 2**

Ratchet and Clank were sitting in different locations, having a talk on the phone.

"Ratchet, please come over."

"I can't, bud."

"But I am all alone and have no one to play video games with."

Ratchet's eyes went wide and he dropped his phone. And, in a flash, he was running towards the garage after landing on Veldin with video games and controllers in his hands and arms.

* * *

 **I gotta tell you guys, I have missed writing random stuff. I used to do it all the time back in the Ninjago Archive, but I started writing more serious stuff when I came here. But, after deciding that I should take another crack at the random stuff, I decided to write Ratchet and Clank and their friends doing Vines! Because what's more random than Vines?**

 **And, for those of you who don't know, Vines are seven second long videos usually of people doing something really funny. Go to the Vine website if you want to see some! (I suggest Thomas Sanders' Vines. They're some of the best!)**

 **Make sure to leave a review while picking up your complimentary toaster!**

 **This is Amberdiamondswords, Lordess of Diamond Swordness, signing off!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Angry Little Toaster**

Ratchet pulled a frozen burrito out of the freezer and brought it over to the microwave. He put it inside and tried to nuke it, but the microwave wouldn't start. He pushed buttons and shook it a bit, but nothing happened. The Lombax groaned in frustration and looked around, wanting something to use in order to heat up his burrito. It was then that he saw microwave like friend Clank walking past him, offering him a happy wave.

Next thing Ratchet knew, he was trying to shove his lunch into Clank's chest compartment, with the small robot thrashing in his grip.

"Just let me put it in there! We're supposed to be friends!"

* * *

 **Robot Trainer Master**

Brax and Ratchet stood on opposite sides of a battlefield. They were about to have a battle that they have wanted to have for a very long time. And now that they had the time, they could finally do it.

Brax took a step forward and yelled out, "Go Wilhelm!"

A Rangerbot came marching out into the battle field and stood at attention, waiting for a command.

"Clank! I choose you!" Ratchet yelled out, pushing out his small robot friend. He prepared to give him an awesome command, but Clank stood up and walked away. Ratchet turned around and raised an eyebrow. "Where are you going?"

"You do not have enough badges to train me!"

"...Ugh."

* * *

 **Test Round**

"You know Ratchet, as the savior of the Solana Galaxy, I can get any girl that I want," Qwatk said, flexing his muscles.

"Oh yeah? Show me," Ratchet said, folding his arms.

"Alright." Qwark walked over to a lone Cora and leaned up against the wall. He flexed his muscles more than usual and offered a charming smile. His voice as he talked was as smooth as chunky carmel, "You know, Cora, I don't say this often but you have the most beautiful eyes in the galaxy."

"Not interested," Cora said, not even looking at Qwark. She walked away, leaving the captain hanging.

Qwark cringed a bit and looked at Ratchet, "That was a uh...test round...oh! Hey, Elaris!"

"No!" Elaris yelled.

"Oh come on!"

* * *

 **Bugging Retaliation**

Cora was sitting alone in the cafeteria, reading a book on what not to do when you're pointing a weapon at an enemy. she was enjoying her alone time when suddenly Ratchet burst into the cafeteria and invaded her personal bubble.

"Hey there, Cora! How's it going? Whatcha reading-AHH!"

Enraged by the annoying Ratchet, Cora pulled out one of her Combustors and fired several shots at the ceiling, making the Lombax run out the door, tripping halfway down the hallway.

* * *

 **Rejected and Replaced**

Elaris sat down with Clank in her lap, rubbing the elated robot happily on the head, "Aww, aren't you just the cutest thing?"

"Hehehehe! I suppose I am," Clank said with a small giggle. "As there is nothing you find more cuter than me-"

"Hey, Elaris!" Brax called out, walking into the office. He held up a small blue puffball in his hand, which had big eyes and an antenna, "Check out our new Ranger Protopet!"

Elaris gasped, quickly tossing Clank aside and runnign to the Protopet, "Oh my god, look at how cute it is!"

Clank stood up and brushed himself off, forming a confused look on his face and raising his arms in a 'what the heck?' kind of fashion.

* * *

 **Birds and the Bees**

"Ratchet, may I ask a question?" Clank asked, looking at his friend.

"Of course you can ask me a question. What's on your mind?" Ratchet replied.

"I have found myself growing curious in the...organic reproductive process. Can you please tell me how exactly it works?"

Ratchet sat there in silence for a few moments, his eye twitching the tiniest bit. He then grabbed Clank by the arm and began dragging him, "D-Did I say of course you could ask _me_ a question? I uh...I meant that you could ask _Grim_ a question! Hah! Hah! I'm leaving."

The Lombax dropped Clank in front of Grimroth and ran out of the garage as fast as he could.

* * *

 **Puns Reprise**

"Ratchet?" Clank called for his friend from the workbench.

"Hm?" Ratchet lazily answered back from his bed.

"What do you call a pile of cats?"

"I dunno."

"A 'meowtain'!"

The two stared at each other for a moment, then Ratchet pointed to the door, "Get out."

"It was worth it. Hehehehe!"

* * *

 **Cooking Hero**

Qwark leaned up against a wall in the Hall of Heroes kitchen, "Hello, my fans! Captain Qwark here to show you how to make a proper hero's meal." The large man look what appeared to be a frozen meatloaf in a frying pan and opened the over, shoving it inside. "Just put your all-beef-and-cheese meatloaf inside, and in twenty minutes, you'll have a delicious meal!"

-Several minutes later-

"RUN! FIRE! EVERYONE! FIRE!" Qwark yelled, running out of the kitchen and away from the oven, which was now up in flames with a burnt meatloaf inside.

* * *

 **Newton's Theory**

"You know, Clank told me that for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction," Ratchet told Brax.

"Really?"

"Yeah! Watch."

Ratchet gave Brax a super hard punch into the arm and waited for the reaction part to happen. But, with his Ranger instincts kicking in, Brax returned the punch, sending Ratchet flying. The Lombax landed on the floor in a dazed state.

"I...I...I don't think that that was equal or opposite...ugh."

* * *

 **Revenge At Its Tastiest**

"I'm gonna get revenge on Clank for putting that pie in my face," Ratchet said to himself, holding a miniature coconut cream pie behind his back.

The Lombax crept up behind the unsuspecting robot, waiting for the right moment. Then, when the right moment came, he grabbed Clank and turned him around, ready to pie him in the face. But he was surprised when Clank suddenly opened his chest compartment and sent his own miniature pie into the Lombax's face.

"Are you serious?!" Ratchet yelled out as Clank nearly keeled over with laughter. The Lombax then licked a but of the pie filling on his face and smiled a bit, "Ooh, cherry!"

* * *

 **You guys wanted me to do more of these, so I did more of them.**

 **Make sure to leave a review while picking up our complimentary toaster!**

 **This is Amberdiamondswords, Lordess of Diamond Swordness, signing off!**


End file.
